American Mistress (2015)

Have you ever experienced that strong desire to be part of something? To the point that you would do anything just to feel that sense of belongingness? American Mistress explores this visceral need from the point of view of a lonely college freshman, who just wants to be part of a literary society. It raises the bar of need higher from the perspective of a 30-year-old jane-of-all-trades who wants to open a restaurant. Mix in an unrealistic plot set in the NYC, a script full of witty lines delivered in too girlish fashion, and an infuriating background music, and you get a coming-of-age dramedy.

The movie introduces us to Tracy Fishko (Lola Kirke) who’s bland and flat voice opens the film with this line: She would say things like, “Isn’t every story a story of betrayal?” No, I thought. That’s not true. But I could never say that. I could only agree with her. It was too much fun to agree with her.

As a 1^st year college student in Barnard, she tries very hard to fit in by going to a party even though her roommate warned her it’s not for her and by submitting a fiction to the lit society called Mobius. Her efforts are not rewarded as the party turned out to be unwelcoming. She also got rejected by the lit society. She finds solace from her mother who is marrying a guy who’s daughter coincidentally also lives in New York. Her mother suggests that she meet up with her soon-to-be sister, Brooke Cardanis (Greta Gerwig), and she might as well do it soon because they will be gathering together for the first time during Thanksgiving.

When they did meet, Tracy was so enamored by Brooke that it inspired her to write another fiction with Brooke as the lead character. She tried to screen for Mobius again by passing this story. For Tracy, Brooke represents the Big Apple – fun, fearless, independent.

Although Tracy feels that Brooke is everything that she is not and that she secretly wants to be, deep inside she knows that Brooke will never amount to anything in life. Tracy at eighteen years-old has an old soul in her in contrast to the thirty year-old Brooke whose devil may care attitude has gotten her nowhere. As Tracy accompanies Brooke in looking for investors that will help her build her restaurant, she learned to be fun and fearless, too.

With these two women as central characters, one may wonder who between the two is the American Mistress. Is it the young and intellectual Tracy whose desires are eclipsed by her fears? Or is it the worldly and irrational Brooke whose well-intentioned dreams escape her because of her senselessness?

“I want the whole deal. I’ve spent my whole life chasing after things and knocking at doors, and I’m tired of running towards people. I wanna be the place that people come to. I wanna make a home for all the knockers and runners. I’m good at that. I’m happy with that. I keep the hearth. That’s a word, right? Hearth? - Brooke

Such questions can only be answered by having these female characters come to terms with the possibility of reaching or not reaching their dreams. So did Tracy make it to the lit society? Did Brooke get her restaurant? Did they get that sense of belongingness they so desire?

What they got is the sisterhood that’s unique in the plot. And more.

32 in Pictures

Happy 32nd to me!

Best-Laid Plans

It's not what you think it is. The "best-laid plans" doesn't mean plans that have gone well. It actually means the opposite - the most carefully prepared plans may go wrong. It's not an apt title for this post since I would like to talk about how well I was able to successfully execute my plans. Reading about my blog post from the month of May: http://angmaestra.blogspot.com/2015/05/mommy-plans.html
I am glad that all three things fell into place. Here they are:

1) LEAVE

The university approved my application for a 6-month leave. I feel really lucky that I have such privilege. I can actually take a leave for a year if I want to, but of course, it's a leave without pay. I am dependent on my husband now, so I also feel blessed that he is supportive of my decision not to go back to work for awhile. I am sure that a lot of women would like to spend longer time with their newborn, but resort not to because they really have to work.

2) BREASTFEED

Even before my little boy was born, I had already made up my mind to exclusively breastfeed him for 6 months. So the leave approval is really such a blessing. If I had gone back to work after my maternity leave expired, I would definitely have a hard time pumping during daytime and breastfeeding him at night. It would be so exhausting. So, thanks to the leave approval, I don't need to pump because my son could have his milk anytime he wants.

3) SAYA CARRY

My husband bought a different carrier when he went shopping last time, but I badly wanted the SaYa baby wrap, so he bought me one last month. It's cheaper and easier to use.

So, there... the best-laid plans that turned out in its best way. Just a sort of trivia - the best laid plans comes from the poem by Scottish poet Robert Burns entitled To a Mouse: 

But, Mousie, thou art no thy lane [you aren't alone] 

In proving foresight may be vain:

The best laid schemes o' mice an' men

Gang aft a-gley, [often go awry] 

An' lea'e us nought but grief an' pain,

For promised joy.

It's where John Steinbeck fashioned his novel, Of Mice and Men, which incidentally is also the inspiration of this blog.

The Wedding

Before the month of September ends, I might as well post about our literary-themed wedding last year which fell on September 20. I haven't personally thanked and acknowledged each one of our suppliers and vendors after the wedding because we flew to Palawan for our honeymoon right away, so here they are!

Invitations by V&P Digital Worx Co.

Ugh! Still have to look for a photo of our invite.

Rings

My husband got the rings from Singapore. What's nice about them is that it's got our names engraved inside. I have my husband's name in my ring and my name in his - in our handwriting, It has also the date of our wedding day. Trivia: we both have the same ring size!

Souvenir

Our souvenir's a notebook with a note on the front cover that reads:

The back cover is a bit of our history as a couple. It goes:

Gown by Grace Clavel

A woman gets married once in her lifetime so she should get the best couturier in town for her wedding gown. Grace Clavel is downright professional and she exceeded our expectations. She made my gown and my husband's barong, as well as the mothers' gowns.

I love the intricacy of my lacy back.

Hair & Make-Up by Zymba

It's actually not Zymba who styled me, but one of his assistants. I looked fine during my wedding, but my husband thinks the quality of the make-up and spraynet that he used was poor. He sneezed the entire time we were together during our wedding night.

Flowers by Eric Sua-an

The fusion of white, green, and orange created such a lovely and cheerful atmosphere. I love it!

Cake by Sue's Cakes

It's a literary-themed wedding, thus the writings on the cake. I just copied it from the Internet, and the cake maker did a good job of imitating it. The orange roses on top looked pretty. This chocolate cake tasted great, too. 

Here's the text:

Drink to me only with thine eyes,

And I will pledge with mine;

Or leave a kiss but in the cup,

And I'll not look for wine.

The thirst that from the soul doth rise

Doth ask a drink divine;

Lest might I of Jove's nectar sup,

I would not change for thine. 

What thou art is mine,

Our state cannot be severed, we are one, 

One flesh; to lose thee were to lose my self. 

 Church

St. Clement's Parish Church in La Paz, Iloilo City is very significant for us as a couple because it's where we first attended mass together. It's also where I serve as a lector.

Decor by Eric Sua-an

Because the wedding is literary-themed, Eric used books as table tops. I don't have pictures to show but I think these will suffice...

I love everything about my wedding!

Our Love Story

Most of our close friends and family members think our love story started on that fateful day of August 8, 2013, where we were formally introduced and were "arranged" to have lunch together.

I couldn't even look at you here.

What they don't know is that it started way back here...

We were strangers back then.

This photo was taken on December 2012. It was during the mass celebration and tribute for your former elementary teacher and my colleague, Prof. Hulleza. We were never introduced here contrary to what you said. I was sitting at the very back with some WVSU co-teachers, and you were sitting with Mabik here. But I do remember your nape and of course, your performance (you sang the song Maam Hulleza taught you). Your singing was so-so and unremarkable but your nape struck me. I remember telling myself, "This guy has such a dark nape!" I then inspected the rest of you. Looking at your Intel shirt, I assumed that you're an IT guy working in the Middle East because of your dark skin. That afternoon didn't feel so significant at all, but looking back now, I can only marvel at how love works in mysterious ways. 

We never crossed paths again until 8 months after, when your sister and cousin (and aunt?) arranged for us to meet. I had second thoughts when your sister, (Manang) Hazel invited me to eat lunch with Helen Joy because we've have never been that close. I was suspicious when she said she'll bring her brother along (you). I went anyway because I thought there's no harm in joining a different company for lunch. So we ate in this Korean resto where we had to sit on the floor and you sat across me! I felt uncomfortable because I didn't know you that well, and how do you start a conversation with someone good-looking? I was attracted and intimidated at the same time. Then, you commented that I was holding my chopsticks wrong and handed me a spoon. I remember my face turning hot with embarrassment because your comment made me feel stupid. I thought you were fresh and such a smart aleck for saying those things out loud. Anyway, I vowed to myself that I would never join in such a "lunch" again and God forbid - meet you again.

As I said, love moves in mysterious ways. After that lunch, Helen Joy sent me a message to join her for a barbeque at their place the coming weekend. I was going to say no, but I couldn't come up with an alibi, so I said yes with a note of caution that it will be the last time I'll go out to join them and their "arrangements."

Hi, Rafa!

Well, what do you know? I actually enjoyed talking with you. You brought me home and asked for my number and that made me feel really giddy. That "Saturdate" perhaps sealed our fate. 

With Scoutie who became our flower girl the next year

The next day which was a Sunday, we attended mass together and we had lunch in Sheridan, Oton. Then, on Monday, we had lunch in Cilantro, where laughing over a bowl of pho, I had an epiphany where I told myself, "I think I'm going to marry this guy." It was in the same line of thought as the one I had when I told myself that you had such a dark nape. It came out of nowhere, but the only difference this time was I felt like flying because of sheer bliss. You have to go back to Singapore that very night, but I was determined to communicate with you somehow. That night, I sent you a "may you have a safe trip" message. I wanted to sound casual, but I was in love already. 

...And so, we communicated through Skype. I figured that you liked me, too. Why else would you spend late nights chatting about random and silly things with me? Those late nights, however made me groggy and useless at work the next day. Plus, I was daydreaming of you most of the time, so the papers I needed to check took a backseat until they accumulated. There were tons of work to do, too. I was angry at myself for getting carried away by my feelings. So I did what any crazy person would do - I blamed you!

It seemed like a good idea to blame you because the next thing I knew, you were also confessing your feelings for me, and that prompted you to take the next flight home. We had a good talk in Esplanade and we took that mighty leap of faith together. That was August 31, 2013. We met August 8, 2013, so you can imagine just how fast that was. Then 5 months after on January 26, 2014, you proposed!

How could I say no to you? You had me at hello. I felt like floating the entire time that day. We got married seven months after you proposed. Then, I got pregnant with Thirdy right away. God has been smiling down at us. 

Ah, the glory of love!

Today is September 20, 2015, and we are celebrating our first wedding anniversary. I can't say that it has been a bed of roses the whole time. We have our differences, but then we vowed to make these differences work so we could complement each other. What's great about our first wedding anniversary is that it's no longer just the two of us now - it's already three of us! I think the greatest gift that we have received for our anniversary is that we were presented with another role - as parents. It's a big responsibility, but it's been a rewarding experience, so far. 

It's been a year that we took that major leap of faith. Your nape is still dark, I still suck at using chopsticks, and we still have our Skype dates, but we're better, older, wiser - and I'm still truly, madly, and deeply in love with you. 

Cheers to one year of love! Our love story continues...

The Reader

I hope you'll grow up to be a reader, my son!

(Thirdy @ 4 weeks)

Letting Go

It wasn't a spur of the moment decision. I have been toying around with the idea for several days before I decided to just do it.

I have decided to give away my books -- my precious ones. Before I got married, my books were my best friends. I could just stay inside my room and snuggle up in bed with one of my books and the whole world could just pass by. Giving them away never occurred to me that time. In fact, I kept accumulating them even though I didn't have much time to read them. When I got married, and moved in to a new apartment, I brought them along of course (much to my minimalist husband's annoyance). We put them in a balikbayan box and placed it in a corner, where I have almost forgotten about it.

I blame it on the heavy downpour. If not for it and our dilapidated ceiling, the box wouldn't have gotten wet, and my husband wouldn't have removed the books so they wouldn't entirely get wet and smell. This happened about 2 weeks after I had the baby. The books were stacked in our room because we didn't have a place to put them. When I realized that it was completely unhygienic for the books to stay there because they've started to gather dust, I knew they all had to go somehow.

But parting with your books is like breaking up with your lover. You mull over it for sometime and then you just DO it because you know that it's good for you, you deal with the heartbreak, then (the best part) you just move on.

The books shouldn't just go to anyone, though. I'll feel relieved knowing that my 'best friends' will go to people whom I know will take care of them. Posting the books pictures in FB was a good idea. I decided not to sell them because it's my way of paying back for the good things that I have received, so far. Just a few seconds after I posted the books in an album "Pre-loved Books for Free," many of my good friends sent me a message that they'd would like to have this and that book. I am happy knowing that the books will be in good hands somehow.

You feel a melancholy every time you part ways with a loved one. That's how it has been for me every time I hand over a book to its new owner. This may sound like I have a post-partum depression (I don't), but I felt quite sad when people showed their interest to have my books. When they came over to get the book, however, there was a part of me that was relieved and happy that the book will finally say goodbye to me.

I could have chosen to keep my books, but with the baby around, I know that I don't have much time for reading anyway. Besides, I have been a bookworm for so long that I think it's time to meet real people instead of just meeting the imaginary ones in a book. Without the books around, perhaps I could give more time to my relationships and improve them, too. Also, I now have a husband a baby to snuggle up with in bed - and the books, well, they can just say goodbye.

It's high time that someone else read you, too.