The Pros and Cons of Attachment Parenting

Attachment Parenting or AP by definition is a parenting philosophy that proposes methods which aims to promote the attachment of mother and infant not only by maximal maternal empathy and responsiveness but also by continuous bodily closeness and touch (Wikipedia). It encourages parents to breastfeed, co-sleep, and babywear.

Even while I was pregnant, the decision to breastfeed, co-sleep, and babywear Thirdy when he eventually comes out came naturally for me (http://angmaestra.blogspot.sg/2015/05/mommy-plans.html). I didn't have qualms about it, and I thought it was the best option for my firstborn (I still do). But a toddler has different needs from an infant. Thirdy is now an active 2-year-old as well as a soon-to-be-Manong. As of writing this, I am 16 weeks pregnant, and although I would still like to AP Thirdy and Fourdee (that's the bun in the oven's nickname), I am re-evaluating my stance on breastfeeding, co-sleeping, and babywearing.

1) Breastfeeding

Go public! Breastfeeding at Richmonde Hotel swimmimg pool area

PROS

There is no question that breastfeeding is the best option for your baby - it is safe, convenient, cheap, and downright healthy. I can attest to this because I have been breastfeeding Thirdy since he was born, and he never got sick to the point where he needed to be hospitalized. Sure, he got the occasional sniffles, fever, and cough but thank God, it never went beyond that. I have to give credit to my breastmilk for boosting his immune system. In addition to that, we didn't go through the trouble of buying baby bottles, filtered water (which can be contaminated), and formula milk during his first two years.

CONS

The weaning is the tough part. As per doctor's advice, I should wean Thirdy. Plus, I do not think I can handle tandem breastfeeding when Fourdee comes out eventually. But when you have been co-sleeping and breastfeeding since Day 1, weaning is going to be a struggle.

Also, formula milk has been given a bad rap. But there have been many instances where FM has saved many a baby's lives. When Thirdy turned 1, his height and weight plateaued. He was almost 2 when his pediatrician said we have to start on formula milk because his height and weight are on the borderline of falling behind his age. I was resistant because for me formula milk was the evil's spawn. Looking back now, I should have started on FM when he turned 1 or 1 1/2. He is very small, and I sometimes feel insecure when I see him playing with other children who are bigger but younger than he is. I have to blame our genes for his small stature because we, his parents are also very cute. So, we should have started mixed-feeding at least earlier.


2) Co-sleeping

I only sleep when I'm rocked because I'm a rockstar, Mom.

PROS

I love cuddling up with my little boy. When you're breastfeeding, it's perfectly convenient to co-sleep because when the little one is hungry, all you have to do is bare the boob and he'll be fine. Your baby also gets to be familiar with Mom and Dad's smell and warmth, and he will know early on that he is loved.

CONS

Sleep training is going to be a challenge when you have been co-sleeping since Day 1. Your child won't go to sleep without you around. That's our concern with Thirdy. Aside from that, he has been used to being carried and rocked just so he could go to sleep (blame my Mom). He is quite heavy now. Also, my tummy is getting bigger everyday, so carrying him can be a pain in the neck (literally) and the back.

When he was still an infant, well-meaning relatives warned us not to rock him all the time as he will get used to it. But I thought, babies NEED to be rocked because they are helpless, tiny human beings, and they need warmth, love, protection, etc. I forgot that tiny human beings also grow big and heavy. With Fourdee, I think we will heed our relatives' advice.

Also, I personally think that a child should have his own bedroom by the time he goes to primary/elementary school at least. This will teach him about personal space and independence. Plus, there's no danger of coming across Mom or Dad naked or Mom and Dad doing 'it'.


3) Babywearing

kangaroo carrier

SaYa wrap

PROS

Your hands are free when you carry your baby around like an 'ati.' And just like co-sleeping, it makes your baby feel warm and secure.

CONS

You'll have pain around your waist once your baby gets the extra weight. I stopped babywearing when Thirdy turned 1 and 1/2. With Fourdee, I'll probably stick with the stroller once he/she hits that age, too.


In conclusion, Attachment Parenting is a personal choice, really. They say that with Baby # 1, everything is a trial-and-error. Parents usually feel anxious and would do everything for their firstborn. But when Baby # 2 comes, parents are more relaxed. They have learned and survived parenting the first time, so the second time around they know what to do. This is how I feel with Fourdee now. I still plan on doing attachment parenting with him/her, but not a straijacket kind of AP - more of a sweater kind of AP. I'll take it off once it becomes too hot for us.

And Fourdee wants to say hi!

Bleeding and Breeding

There has been so much expression of outrage over the death of 17-year-old Kian de los Santos. His untimely demise as reported by witnesses and as captured by CCTV has made everyone conscious that in the Philippines, no one is no longer safe. Kian could have been your grandson, your neighbor, your brother, or you. Anyone could just catch a bullet in his head because hey, it's our country's war on drugs. There are bound to be casualties. 

And I am now wondering about the kind of people our country is breeding. I am one of the thousand Filipinos who are now living in fear (even though I am currently based abroad) because I have loved ones back home who might become another Kian (God forbid). The line, "Hindi ka papatayin kung hindi ka naman nag da-drugs" no longer applies. If I am this scared even though geographically speaking we are from a safe distance, how much more of the families of the victims who were killed since the great President sat in power? What fear their parents, spouses, and children must be facing right now.

We are breeding citizens who in the future will be paralyzed with fear because they thought the firecrackers outside sound just like gunshots. We are raising our children to become desensitized to deaths caused by stray bullets, 'police mistakes'-so-please-forgive-them, and riding in tandem murders. Our young ones will grow up thinking that a president who curses and who orders killings is a normal fixture in the great grand scheme of things. They too, will take up their parents' guns for protection or maybe in support of the government's war on drugs because, after all this is a cause worth fighting for.

But no, we will not allow such things to happen. Because we, the so-called 'young once' are burning with anger. And anger is the enemy of apathy.

If Kian's death will not wake you up from your apathy and bigotry, what else will? Don't wait for that bullet to get you or your loved ones. No one is safe. No one.

#justiceforkian

Thirdy's Birth Story

After I learned I was pregnant with Thirdy, I doc-shopped for an OB-gynecologist. I went to 4 female doctors (all 40 and above) before I finally settled on the 4th one, not so much because I was comfortable with her but because she was highly recommended by my husband's cousin.

Even from the beginning, I wanted to do two things for Thirdy: 1) to bring him out to the world naturally, meaning through vaginal birth, and 2) to exclusively breastfeed him for the first 6 months of his life.

My due date was August 3, 2015. By the night of August 1, I did my obligatory trip to the toilet before hitting the sack, and I was alarmed to see a 'bloody show' when I wiped off. But I was not in any pain yet. My husband, mother, and I hurriedly went to West Visayas State University Medical Center. It was my hospital of choice because I was an employee of the university, and it was just a stone's throw away from our place. The OB on duty did an 'IE' on me. After which, she held up her blood coated fingers and asked, "Amu ni?" I just nodded my head. She told me I won't be giving birth yet as I am not dilated enough. I either have to go home or wait for a room to be available, so we could be accommodated in case my time comes. We decided to do the former and had a room booked. But when we got to the car, my husband declared that we're not going back there. He was angry that he was asked to buy Vaseline and gloves for the IE. Why can't they just use their supplies first then we pay them up after? I said it's a government hospital, what do you expect? So, we decided to just go to Medical City once I start going through labor.

Early morning the next day, August 2, which was a Sunday, we did a bit of walking at Esplanade. I figured that I need to get moving and build my stamina and endurance before labor comes. We attended Mass at St. Clement's after, and that was when I felt a steady beat of tolerable pain that would come in every 10 minutes or so. I didn't mind it and even ate a hearty lunch at my in-laws in Gran Plains. By 2 PM, the pain was gaining in frequency, but I could still do a bit of exercise and laugh with my family. My husband timed the pain, and when he consulted his female cousins about it, he was told to go the hospital right away because those were labor pains already. So we rushed to Medical City by 3 PM, only stopping by at our place to get my stuff, and there I was stationed at the ER.

After an hour or so, I was wheeled to the labor room. I was still able to eat my dinner even with the pain, and my doctor said I didn't look as if I was going to give birth. I beamed at that. I was proud of myself. The pain was chicken feed that at one point, I told myself that going through labor is not that tough at all. Why women opt to have an epidural and selective Caesarean section was beyond me. I was cocky to say to give me labor anytime of the day.

But by 9 PM, the pain was coming in waves each bigger and fearsome than the other. I felt as if my stomach was on fire. I did everything to help me drench the fire: walked around the room, did some leg exercises, talked to the nurse, lie down, read and memorized the medicines in the cabinet, opened and closed the door that divided the delivery room from the labor room (from which I was scolded).

By 11 PM, I was becoming scared. The pain was no longer tolerable. My bag of water burst. I was wet all over, and the midwife on duty helped me change. It was then I understood why women would ask for epidural, why they would curse their husbands and throw invectives at anyone on sight during their labor, why they'd rather go through CS... I understood. The pain was like no other I have experienced.

By 1 AM of August 3, I was wheeled to the delivery room. My legs were placed on stirrups and my nether region was spotlighted. I was so tired already, but I was asked to do a more tedious work: the pushing. I pushed and pushed for an hour or so, but there was no progress. There was something wrong with my pushing: they would ask me to hold the push for 10 seconds, but I would stop at 6 or 7. Thirdy's head was not showing. My OB told me that she has now indications for a Caesarean procedure. She asked me if that was fine. They started dressing me and cleaning me up for the surgery, but I was tight-lipped. I did not want to answer. I wanted to still go through the normal delivery but I was also torn because I was dead tired, and I just wanted to get it over with. CS was the easy way, but I didn't say anything to the Doc.

So they called my husband to come. There I was in all my naked glory squirming in pain, and the OB and my husband were just a matter-of-factly discussing the options in front of me. When they were finished, I was expecting my husband to give her the green light for the CS, but to my surprise, he cheered me on while I was pushing. He kept shouting, "Kaya mo yan, Ga!" I was so angry at him that I was strangling him in my head. I didn't want to say anything because that would mean another minus from my strength. But his cheering probably did help. After 30 minutes, Thirdy's head crowned, and my husband was ushered from the delivery room. It went easy from there. I pushed for 15 minutes more and I remember as if my whole being opened up when Thirdy came out from me. I also remember that when I was pushing, I felt as if all the mothers in the world from generations past were with me, sharing my pain. At the same time, there was that feeling of honor to be the one to give life to another human being. In the midst of pushing, I felt a certain kinship and connection with all women. The pain of childbirth is the lot that we have to all go through, the women it seems were telling me. If I were not in pain, I'd probably have goosebumps all over my body. I'd say that birthing is also a metaphysical experience.

So, at 3:30 AM of August 3, 2015, I gave birth to Thirdy through a vaginal delivery, and we did the Unang Yakap, which is a breastfeeding drive to encourage newborns to latch right away. Thirdy successfully latched, and I was able to exclusively breastfeed him for the first 6 months of his life.

I got what I wanted.