These days, I feel like I am racing against time. With barely a month left before our second child comes, I feel pressured to prepare our firstborn, Thirdy for his little sister's arrival. When I learned that I was pregnant with Baby # 2, my first concern was Thirdy. I thought that he was still very much a baby himself (he was 21-months-old when I got pregnant) and that I might not be able to give him the care and attention he deserves once his sibling comes out. Also, since he'll only be 2 1/2 when baby girl comes, I know he'll still be clingy and possessive of me.
After February 11th, I will now be taking care of a toddler and a newborn and this is going to be the greatest challenge for me as a mother just yet. So, I decided to take some steps to finally let Thirdy be independent and become the big brother that he should be for his little sis. There were three things that I wanted to happen: 1) wean him from breastfeeding, 2) let him sleep on his own, and 3) toilet train him.
1) Weaning from Breastfeeding
I would have wanted to still breastfeed Thirdy at least until he wanted to stop. He was actually showing signs of weaning on his own by only breastfeeding from me when he wanted to sleep. I consulted my OB-Gyne about this, and I was told point-blank that I should already stop because he was just using me as a pacifier. I have done my research, and I know that it is still safe for some women to breastfeed in the course of a pregnancy. And I wasn't pacifying; I was Mommying! Although I didn't agree wholeheartedly with what my OB told me, I also knew that it was just the right time to wean him. Besides, I did not think that I could handle tandem feeding a toddler and a newborn.
So after Thirdy turned 2-years-old, I stopped breastfeeding him before sleeping time. I substituted it with rocking until he would doze off. This was fine because before sleeping time, I would still have enough strength to carry and sing him to sleep, but he had this habit of still waking up in the middle of his sleep and he would only go back to dreamland once he had latched. Giving him the boob again would not help us in weaning, so I would stand up and rock him back to sleep. You can just imagine how exhausting this was because he would wake up not once but 4 to 5 times in one night and the pregnancy hormones were messing up with my endurance, too. There were times, when I gave in and just let him have the boob, but it meant going back to zero. So, I tried really hard to be consistent by just rocking him when he wanted the dede. After a month, he was totally weaned.
I think it helped that he knew he was going to be a big brother soon. I explained that the dede will be for his younger sib. These days, when I ask him if he wants to dede, he would shake his head and say, "Indi lang. Baby Bambam lang."
Goodbye, Dede! Thanks for the 2 wonderful years of breastfeeding!
2) Sleep Training
I co-slept with Thirdy since he was born, so he would never go to sleep without me by his side. We have also been rocking him to sleep, so he'll ask for it before bedtime, and because I substituted breastfeeding with rocking, this literally became such a pain in my neck and my back.
When I turned 8 months pregnant, I decided to put my foot down and refused rocking him to sleep. This was met with bitter cries that would last for almost an hour until he would become exhausted. He would then snuggle beside me and just sleep on his own. Among the three things I wanted to happen, this was the shortest but also the toughest. His cries were awful and it was heartbreaking to see him begging for the kungkung. Again, consistency was the key here. After 2 weeks of ignoring his protests and putting up with his tears (and praying that the neighbors will just sleep through the noise), he was finally able to sleep on his own. This was also with the help of a bedtime routine: bath time, story time, lights off, and back rub (in that order).
He's a tiny human bridge here - still very much attached to his parents' bed and embracing independence, too by sleeping on his own bed.
We finally bought him his own bed (which is just a sofabed). We still do the bedtime routine, but when Baby Bambam comes, his Dad will have to do it together with him.
Borrowing Bambam's pillows and blanket
3) Toilet Training
Among the three things I wanted to happen, this is the one I am most proud of. With another baby on the way, I just do not think it practical for us to spend on diapers. We were already trying to save by using cloth diapers, but nighttime sleeping and occasional going-outs still meant disposable diapers. So, I told myself that I should toilet-train Thirdy before Bambam comes. It's not impossible because another toddler in Thirdy's playgroup was toilet-trained at 1 1/2. I have also read about Natural Infant Hygiene (NIH) where babies can actually be toilet-trained by 6 months old!
The little guy who's adoringly looking at me was toilet-trained before he turned 2.
Toilet-training took me some time. I knew he was ready when he started telling me that he had pooped in his nappies. We bought his potty September last year, but he didn't want to sit on it, so I didn't force him. He only warmed up to his potty last December. What I did was I let him use an underwear instead of a diaper. This was to make him feel uncomfortable when he would pee or poo. There were accidents, of course but this was to be expected and one must be very patient in washing the toddler and wiping the floor. I felt like a broken record in repeatedly reminding Thirdy that pee and poo from now on will go to the potty. It paid off. He now tells me when he needs to go. We're diaper-free during daytime, and we're on our way to making nighttime diaper-free, too.
Pooping while unwrapping a Christmas gift. Yep, somebody gave him a gun.
This book about potty training helped, too!
Nothing can really prepare you for motherhood especially when the babies start popping. But when your survival and sanity are at risk (I don't think I am exaggerating here), you won't have a choice but to start preparing. Thirdy and Baby Bambam, I'm ready for you!
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