On Parenthood

A staff from the HR Department of the university where I worked once commented that "feel na feel mo gid ya maging Nanay" (You are so into motherhood). It must be because I took a 6-month leave without pay after my 2-month (with pay) maternity leave in order for me to exclusively breastfeed Thirdy. Another staff said it is the first time that somebody took that leave just for that reason alone. Then, last April 28, 2017 I officially resigned from what would have been a promising academic career so I could become a full-time Mom and housewife. Again, I was asked by the staff from the HR what made me decide to do it and did I have any qualms? No, I said. In fact, it was such an easy decision. I only had to think of my son, and the burning desire to quit my job and personally take care of him was becoming intense everyday.

When colleagues knew that I was resigning, everyone seemed to comment, "kanugun," (what a waste).

If I gave birth in my 20s, I would have probably said the same thing. I would probably not give up my job because when you're in your 20s, you would still like to reach the top of that academic or corporate ladder. I gave birth when I was 31, and at that age, it seemed that accolades and additional academic degrees no longer mattered to me. What I am saying is that I was at the right age to accept the fact that my son is my priority now. Everything else is secondary.

For me, parenthood is more than just posting a picture of your baby in his cute outfit in FB. It is more than just bringing him to malls, so he could enjoy the rides there. It is more than just showing to the whole world that you have mothered or sired an intelligent child. Parenthood is a responsibility and privilege. You are entrusted with a human soul who has the capacity to build or destroy something as abstract as a relationship or something as concrete as the whole nation. Is this not a big responsibility? And it is a privilege because not everyone gets the chance to become a Mom or a Dad. It is a privilege because witnessing a child growing from infancy to adulthood is a marvel that has only been captured by poets and mystics. I am privileged to be given this responsibility of motherhood, and I am willing to let go of my dreams so that he could pursue his.

In this era of feminism and female empowerment where women are told that they can have it all, I decided to take a traditional route and become a full-time Mom. And I think, it is the best decision I have made so far. Not all women can have this opportunity, and I am sure a lot of working Moms would have preferred to become full-time Moms, too but financial setbacks and personal reasons do not permit them to do so. My husband and I have decided this over, and I am blessed that our little family can still survive even though I am no longer working.

Mental illness runs in my family, and I could only hope that Thirdy doesn't have that faulty gene. Schizophrenia is an illness that you inherit, after all. And everything starts from childhood. This is where I would like the nurture vs. nature come into play. A nurturing environment can do wonders to the mental health of a person. If I provide a nurturing family life in Thirdy's childhood, I am confident that he will grow up to be a functional and mentally stable adult.

They said that parents channel their dreams to their children. Someone who is a frustrated engineer would encourage his child to take up engineering. Someone who was born in poverty would like to provide everything for his child by spoiling him with material things. This is true for me. I did not have a happy childhood. It is one beset by abuse, abandonment, and homelessness. I do not want all these to be experienced by my son.

My becoming a parent has changed a lot of my perspectives in life. My desires and hopes for myself no longer seem to matter. I only have hopes and dreams for Thirdy now and his younger siblings (I hope we will be blessed with two more).

These days, our household centers around the rhythm of our little boy. We rarely go out because we do not want to disturb his sleeping pattern and meal schedule. We spend lots of time together as a family by playing, storytelling, and preparing meals - things that I could not do with him when I was still working. And I have seen how Thirdy has thrived since we moved here a month ago. He is growing up fine, happy, and healthy.

I do not find letting go of my job as "kanugun." Do you?